The Wonders of Saying ‘No’

When I originally started this blog, my intention was to write about school and teaching, about working with children, about language, about the mindful way of formulating messages.

But the longer I engaged with the topic, the clearer it became to me: self-care is much more than just a technique you teach children.

It is an inner attitude, a way of life that affects all areas — whether school, family, relationships, and above all: myself.

At school, I paid a lot of attention to how children can learn to perceive and express their feelings and needs.I encouraged them to honestly say how they feel and to stand up for themselves.

But in recent months, I have noticed that what I encouraged in the children, I hardly practiced myself.

I put my own needs aside, was always there for others, and in the process sometimes lost myself.

This realization was painful but also liberating.

It showed me that self-care does not only mean taking breaks or looking after the body.

It also means saying “No,” setting boundaries, and at the same time saying “Yes” to myself.

For a long time, I was afraid to say no. Afraid of disappointing others or even losing relationships.

But a clear no can also be a loving response.

A loving response to myself and at the same time an honest one to others.

Jesper Juul describes this so fittingly in his book “No out of Love”:

“The art of saying no to an adult partner and to a good friend is no different from the art of saying no to a child because it is based on the individual’s ability and willingness to say yes to themselves with a clear conscience. Many of us must first begin this and patiently wait for the good conscience to gradually penetrate the layers of guilt, bad conscience, and fear of loss, which can be as hard and thick as the pavement of a highway. We have every right to say yes and no as we see fit. But it is a right that must be based on our own initiative. It is rarely served to us on a silver platter.”

For me, this quote emphasizes that it takes courage to say no — but that exactly here lies the strength to stay true to oneself.

A no is ultimately always also a yes: to my wishes, my needs, my ideas, and my life.

For me, this means taking a big step: letting go of school and embarking on a new path — becoming a family counselor.

This is not just a professional change but above all a decision for myself.

Of course, there are fears: How will colleagues react? What will change in the team? What comes next?But at the same time, I feel how important it is to take this path now.

To be real and authentic means that what I say matches my inner attitude. Otherwise, it becomes unbelievable.

To have the courage to say no and thereby say yes to myself.