„Hey, can we talk?“

“One of Those Days” – When Everything Is Planned and Nothing Works Out

There are just some days —no book can help, no training can prepare you.

Days when somehow, everything goes wrong.

It was P.E. class with my fourth graders.I had planned everything down to the last detail.I had thought the game through and explained the rules clearly.

And yet: at some point, two children just walked off the field.No comment.The game faltered. The whole group was thrown off.I paused the activity, asked what was going on, tried to pick up the pieces —but it was clear: This isn’t working.

We gathered in a circle.I explained:

“You can’t just walk away. That throws everything off.”

And then the discussion started.

It was about a decision I had made as the referee.I hadn’t seen a goal and decided during the game that it wouldn’t count.But a few kids thought that was unfair.They said I’d made different calls before.They felt they were being treated unfairly.

One girl said:

“Well, if she’s that angry, then she just leaves.”And that’s exactly what happened.She had simply walked off.

I responded:

“That’s not okay. You can’t just disappear without me knowing what’s going on — and especially not knowing where you’ve gone.”

And so the discussion continued.

Eventually I said:

“I can’t hold this together right now.If everything keeps ending in conflict, that’s not fair to the kids who actually want to play.I’m the one responsible here — and this just isn’t working at the moment.”

We broke off.I was angry.So were the three girls.And all I could think was:What just happened? What’s really going on here?Is it really about P.E.?Or is there something deeper underneath all of this?

Then came recess.I was sitting alone in the staff room — and the three girls came in.

“We want to apologize. Can we talk again?”

In that moment, I remembered a training I once took with Christine Ordnung from the German-Danish Institute.She spoke about relationships and connecting with others, using a powerful image:

Two people, connected by an imaginary rope.This rope represents the connection — the dialogue.It can be tight or relaxed — or it can be let go.

If one person drops the rope, the connection breaks.But — the rope can be picked up again.One person can offer it back — and the other can decide:

“Yes, I want to reconnect,” or“No, I still need time.”

Today, I was the one who dropped the rope.And the three girls were the ones who picked it back up —offering me the chance to reconnect.

I told them:

“Right now, I’m not ready to talk about it.But I hear you, and I see that this is still weighing on you.I just need a bit more time for myself.I’d like to talk again — calmly — later this week.”

And now, reflecting on it all, I have to smile a little.

Because it really did happen exactly the way that training described.Sometimes, I manage to stay grounded in the moment —to speak personally, to act professionally.

And sometimes... I don’t.Sometimes I get impatient.Yes — sometimes I’m even unfair.

And that’s okay — as long as we come back to the dialogue.As long as we come back into connection.

What matters most is this:

That we pick up the rope again.That we don’t just leave it lying there.

And yes — some days are just like that.